Can't See the Forest for the Trees

Wow.

This sucks kinda hard.

I know that everything that i am experiencing (or not experiencing - like employment -haha) is happening exactly as it should, in perfect, right time. I know that i am safe and taken care of ultimately by the universe and there is nothing to fear.

I know it, but sitting here, right now, i don't feel it.

80 Resumes and 1 interview. I have started job hunting again in other cities...thing is...i don't know if it will be any easier anywhere else. I dream of gettting the phone call telling me i have recieved the Artist in Residence. But - all in all - the phone is staying strangely silent. I am staying strong. I fight against my compulsion to take a nap constantly.

I have begun to yearn for the past. Parkdale, friends within blocks, Aidan planting flowers in the back yard, my Firefly all blue and shiny, a clearer definition and support when it got foggy. I 'know' better than to cling to something that no longer exsists and is, in the end, an illusion. The past. I romanticize it and easily forget the times that i sat in front of a computer in Toronto, just like today, lost and afraid.

So, what happens now?

Another suitcase, another hall??