Avalanche

Yesterday i heard Duane O'Kane speak for the first time. These are some of the things that he said that i really 'heard'...

Be in the anxiety. Vibrate in it, stew in it, sit in it...don't act out by gettting angry or depressed and don't act in by establishing some addiction...don't be so quick to get rid of it...it is a gift. Inside the pain you will learn.

So, i woke up today and thought...even this hell is heaven. I am afraid and i am happy and i am lost and i am safe. All at the same time...these things are true.

I also went to check out this massage school yesterday ... and am pretty sure it is a little too expensive for me. So, i am researching schools back home and surprisingly the thought of returning home to study is ... kinda .... lovely. And i am still holding out hope that a beautiful job will fall into my lap.

Ah, another lesson was this...don't pursue it, don't resist it. Just let it be whatever it is.

I am going to try and use that in regards to men.

And this...what could be cooler than witnessing your own life? Which is exactly why i blog...so that i can watch myself go through all this...even when i am having a tempertantrum i enjoy looking down on myself and smiling...because it is all good really in the end, isn't it?

Thing about having my new perspective is that even the crappy days have a different backdrop...the path doesn't change...just the way in which you walk down it...

It ain't easy street, but i am kinda starting to enjoy these bumps.