The Notebook

I just watched The Notebook and I am in a very serious mood. The movie has me wondering...

Have I ever been truly loved...like that...has the love that the men in my life have felt for me been true? I know that when things were working, they loved me. I know that when they were certain of my reciprocation, they loved me. I know that when they were sure that they had me, they loved me. But is it not true that the moment that love has been tested by the BIG things...I have been quickly forgotten and loved no more? Could I ever really meet a man who would love me whether or not I loved him back, after years of separation, despite anything, against all odds? Is this why I leave in the patterned way that I do? Am I testing them...am I searching for the one who will be stronger than any apparent obstacle? Who will love me because he has no choice but to love me? Or perhaps am I in the middle of this exact love story and just haven't experienced the ending yet?

Sigh.

I know that I am furthering the love story with myself. Today me took me on a glorious day-long date. We ate ripe mango for breakfast and swam in the clearest water, lay on the sand, meditated on a rock, read poetry in a bookstore, tried on summer dresses, took us out for a huge meal and ended the day with the most romantic movie we have seen in ages. I am renewed.

Can my love for myself stand the test of time...against all odds? Now, there is the an even better thing to spend my time pondering...