Joining the Pity Party

Should one panic when they realize they don't have any real friends?

No one cares that i am coming back to the city. Why does this surprise me? Before i came out here to La Casa i was going to move away from Vancouver due to how lonely and friendless i felt. Nothing has changed in that regard while i have played out the summer in my RV. I am going back to a place of a million acquaintances and not one person whose life will be made better by my return.

What a shitty feeling.

I hope i like the new job...that way i can perhaps become a workaholic.

Is this the fate of a woman almost 30? Do kindred spirits...i am talkin' close, attached at the hip friendships....start to become exstinct when you get older? Is it normal that in order to have a companion who holds your presence as a priority in their life - you gotta be having sex with them? How can someone like me, who pours so much effort into sustaining my relationships, find not one door opened eagerly to my return? I know i am not a victim here...so i wonder...where have i gone wrong? What do i learn from this?

At least up here on the windy mountain i had an excuse for being alone.

Sigh. Packing up the Mercedes with my worldly belongings and wondering how i will get beds and tables and couches into the apartment when i trade this Benz for a Bus Pass. God, am i making a mistake? I am going on my third day of doubt...i don't want to stay, i don't want to go, i don't want to only be sure of what i don't want...

Lord love a duck.