Vent

I was just starting to like this job.

Well, ok, like is a strong word, but i was just starting to feel competent, capable, needed and somewhat serene about the whole thing and then BOOM...in comes another storm and i am back in the water without the water wings....

...and YES i am treading water, but the tide is comin' in fast...

They are firing my manager. Or at least they say they are. All of my 15 bosses say alot of things and then do nothing. Either way the situation stinks. Either Susan leaves and i take on 40x the work load doing stuff that is totally out of my comfort zone or Susan stays and i babysit her workload and her volatile emotional temper tantrums. Everyone yells at each other, insults each other behind closed doors, gives me a brand new job description every 15 minutes via email, sends me out to do sales and then critiques what i am doing (like i should even have a clue in the first place) and are all as stressed out and unhappy as i am. Thing is i am not unhappy. I am not an unhappy person. I am not a stressed out corporate bitch-about-everything-and-do-it-all-to-make-money kind of gal. SO WHAT AM I GOING TO DO??

I could quit. Tonight i want to quit. Too bad that my cousin got me the job and i feel obliged to 'prove myself' in this stupid job and not let her down. So quitting isn't that easy.

I could not let any of it affect me. I could work my 16 hours a day, doing everyone else's job and collect my measly paycheck every 2 weeks and 'chalk it up to experience'...i could even sorta suck at my job and not give a shit...

I could complain to head office. But i am thinking that that would be as effective as shooting a dozen bullets into an already decaying carcass...plus, i have no boss to complain to...

I could blog my way into depression.

I could write a play about it.

I could wake up 3 days from now and actually find that some of the multi-millionaire owners actaully did something other than golf and come to work to find the chaos under control and the work environment positive and fulfilling.

I could go down to the lake and dangle my feet in the water and just have a good solid cry. I could ask the universe to help me out on this one and then steal away into that inner place that reminds me that this isn't my 'last chance' and that no one ever said this had to work out 'or else'...

Ease, joy, grace. That is all i want...

Please. Pretty please.

With cherries on top??