When The Ouch is Bigger Than You

This was my response to a friend who is in so much pain that she is not sure which end is up...

Release it all. Sit on the toliet seat with the water running and cry til you think you might break. You won't. Keep asking yourself...what do i need right now? The answers aren't meant to become action plans, but gentle dialogue with yourself. And every kind of answer is acceptable. Keep asking the question. Your answers might start with "i need this to all go away"..."i need for none of this to be happenning"...but soon those answers could change to..."i need to know that it is all going to be ok"..."i need to know that i am loved, that he knows i love him". When you know what you are needing, only then can you release those NEEDS and discover all that already IS.
Write unsent letters. Make a thank you list to the relationship and all that is has given you up until this point. Email me. Go sit out in those gorgeous trees you have. Perhaps their beauty and simplicity will remind you that every single thing is perfect, even the pain...and that nothing need be painful, but for our choosing it. If you choose pain, dive in, baby. Wail, beat the walls, scream into a pillow.
The universes offers you nothing that you are not ready and strong enough to go through.
Also, you are not trapped. At any time you can change you mind, rewind all your decisions and do whatever you want. Keep focused on what you want your life to look like and keep on painting.
I will love your art no matter what it looks like. I always have. I always will.
Welcome to Wednesday.

Feels strange to have all these friends in all this pain when life is just going so well for me. It isn't a passive feeling where i desire no growth or change or learning, but i would be a fool not to recognize that my life looks exactly as i asked the universe for it to look. I will soon, very soon, tire of this reception role. It is perturbing for my largest priorities to be fedex-ing, buying cream and sugar and getting people to sign birthday cards. Still, i am being paid pretty darn well and i don't work very hard. And there are moments when i well up with tears at the thought of how long it might take for me to meet another soul mate. Yet, 90% of my time i am floating with the anticipation that only being 28, gorgeous and single brings. I am happy. Really really happy.

Oh, and i think i am getting a car. God, mothers are good things.