10 Cent Wings

He said, "Come to the Edge."
I said, "I can't, I'm afraid."
He said, "Come to the Edge."
I said, "I can't. I'll fall off."
He said, finally, "Come to the Edge."
And I came to the Edge.
And he pushed me.
And I flew.
— Guillaume Apollinaire (1880-1918)

This quote ties in so nicely with a song i must suggest - 10 Cent Wings by Jonatha Brooke:

"If I knew what I was after, I'd remember where I'd been
If I was sure of something better, I'd go, I'd go
But I am just another picture, and I watch myself like you
I imagine what you're thinking,
I know, I know
Ten cent wings, I'll take two
Pin them to my sweater and I'll sail above the blue
Ten cent wings, tried and true
Orbiting like satellites I'll sail away, with you
I will love across the borders, I will wait until it's dark
I will fly and you'll be with me,
my wings, your heart
then our memory may fail us and our language will go too
Ten cent wings, I'll take two
Pin them to my sweater and I'll sail above the blue
Ten cent wings,
tried and true
Orbiting like satellites I'll sail away, with you

But I'll never tell, I'll never say, I'll never be that brave

Ten cent wings, I'll take two
Pin them to my sweater and I'll sail above the blue
Ten cent wings, tried and true
In another life you are with me, and I'm with you
Ten cent wings, I'll take two
Pin them to my sweater and I'll sail above the blue
Ten cent wings, tried and true
In another life you are with me, and I'm with you"

I will, in fact, tell, though. I have written a letter and i will end this charade soon.
More on that later.

I spent the weekend with 4 people in my one bedroom and everything in boxes and undone. It challanged my control-freak tendencies and brought me joy. Today i said goodbye to Jennie. As i hugged her on the busy street corner, her hair got caught in my lipgloss and the unfamiliar Vancouver sun poked through the clouds and i felt love unlike anything a boy has inspired in me for years. My house will be quiet tonight.

Love to McCallum - he represents everybody's deepest fear ... kicking and missing. But i would rather be kicking than on the sidelines, safe while i judged.

Slowly the crecendo fades and a lighter melody takes over. I must set some shorter term goals. I must pay my bills. I must fix my hair issues.

But for now, i breathe and am
A sad, knowing smile
On a rainy day in me.