Brent David - Part II

In light of my 4th set of married friends officially seperating and an email from someone i have hurt, i write this ode to brent.

There are people who appear out of thin air and the moment you speak to them you are certain that you have, somewhere along the line, spent many lifetimes together. There are people who, in a sentence, can drive you to know them. There are people who only stay a short time, but have a long term effect on you. There are people you are proud to have said you shared your heart with. There are also people that you are so damned attracted to that, even after you have walked away, the mere thought of them makes you blush.

Brent David was one of these people. I don't look at our 2 months together and think 'failed' just because it didn't last longer. I think back to sitting in a dark trailor on the side of a remote mountain with a phone pressed to my ear and a grin plastered on my face. I think back to standing beside the ocean and drinking in those delectable kisses, passionatly arguing artistic versus corporate merit at the Cat's Meow. I think back to being entangled in each other on the floor of the sunroom, laughing as those crazy band members sang vulgar lyrics downstairs on their bass player's behalf. I think Brent David and i smile. That, to me, is success, not failure. Time is no tool for measuring value.

And do i miss him now? Yes. Often, i do. But i miss many many wonderful souls that were once in my life, that are no more. I have never been great at letting go and/or forgetting. I have, however, come to understand that i can't keep everyone i have loved and have begun to learn how to move on gracefully. If i believed i would bring Brent David happniess and not heartache right now to his life, then perhaps ... but i am convinced that it was exactly as it should have been considering where we are at...

I hate hurting people. If i could only ever make people smile, i would. But i, too, am human and flawed and scared and make sketchy choices sometimes. I am learning.

To Erin: first things first, figure out what you want. This might take awhile, but it will be the key to making so many other things clear. I love you.

If anyone out there has some answers on how to do this relationship thing, let me know.
There is Mars and there is Venus...

but please tell me there's a Saturn.