Roy G. Biv

Last night i sat on the bus home from work and the woman in front of me started crying. At first, it was quiet and she attempted to hide it, but soon it erupted into sobbing. She was a very normal looking woman, early 30's, coming home from a day of regular old work. The bus was super crowded. And there she was, a foot away from me, sobbing for all to see.

So what happenned?

Everyone started to move away from her. You would have thought that she was vomiting on herself. The person sharing her seat got up and stood at the other end of the bus. Others squished themselves as far away as possible and everyone, including me, looked the other direction. TOUCH HER, a voice urged me. ASK HER IF SHE NEEDS ANYTHING...FIND HER SOME KLEENEX...DO SOMETHING...it prompted. But i was frozen. I was afraid of her rawness, of whether or not she would snap at me if i invaded her space, of what the right thing to do would be in that moment. So i did nothing. Ok, not nothing. I leaned forward, to get as close to her as i could without touching and i visualized sharing with her some of the peaceful, loving energy that pulses through me these days. We sat like that for 15 minutes. When i got up to get off the bus, she followed. Outside, we flew in different directions. I was shaken. I was concerned.

I was envious.

It has been a long time since i have cried like that and despite my feeling of goodwill and contentment, i know that i have a mini-storehouse of emotion not yet released, waiting.

I wonder if that is why i am doing alot of emotionally brave, leaping stuff lately - trusting the net, pushing my own comfort levels. I am not wanting to destroy the peace, but i am not wanting the peace to ever become numbness. I want my happiness in life to be made up a full experience of all the emotional colors - a rainbow of feeling.

Today - a little red with how the crush treated me again last night, a bunch of orange warmth as my apartment becomes a home, yellow pride that i remain healthy in an office of flus and colds, green stomache turning envy as i walked by a couple kissing passionatly on the sidewalk, blue serene melody of my ideal life wrapped around me, indigo anticipation of the upcoming honesty and violet as the fear smashes into the love and explodes in a perfection of humaness.

Me and Roy - mono et mono.