Chair Chocolates Calm Contention

Here are the things that saved me from my own bad mood:

First and foremost - a nap. I went immediately home and had a lie down.
Secondly - a world christmas concert in a dark, intimate theatre listening to carman sing and sing and sing.
Thirdly - a good night's sleep. naked.
Fourthly - getting a phone call from JH during a hot bath and hearing his tired voice fill my heart.
Fifthly - getting to work to find that Dario has left me many bags of Lindt chocolate on the seat of my desk chair... just because he takes joy in watching my confusion and ultimately my joy at receiving.
Sixthly - Emails from Jennie and Asha and many others reaching out to me inside my angry mood by posting comments to my blog that told me, above all else, that i am loved, unconditionally.

So, Tuesday begins and i start fresh, as we all must. I am blessed not to be a cow doctor. Amen.

Jessica - you asked me what it means to fall in love (appropriate question presently) and what i lie to myself about every day...

I think we call it falling because it is a surrender. I need only two things to occur to fall in love. I need to show up time and time again and when i speak, speak truth and when i kiss become that kiss. The other ingredient i need, personally, is to met in the same way time and time again. This sounds simple for two people to do, but it is rare. When you wake and find yourself suddenly sharing in this type of journey with someone, you begin that fall, and love catches you and there you are and there is nothing more lovely that you could have given yourself. I believe this comes first and it gives birth to the attraction and it gives birth to connection and it gives birth to sustainability...

I think i may be falling in love. More on that later...

What do i lie to myself about every day? That i have to get up and go to work and be responsible and be careful with how much i spend. That the mirror's obvious evidence states: my body is not perfect, my hair needs improvement, my teeth need straightening and that i should purchase an overpriced skin product to clear up my complexion. That i should not be falling for anyone right now, that i am too busy to care so deeply and that i shouldn't forgive myself ...yet...for how i hurt Aidan.

I don't believe i am rare in the amount of lies that i tell myself daily --- if you listen closely, you will be surprised how many of these untruths skip on through our thoughts. These days, luckily, i see them for what they are...lies...and i thank them for trying to keep me safe and then i send them on their way.

So today i send you: conquering crabiness, confidants, carman's crooning, complimentary anything, an inner-compass, collisions with cuties, a clitoral climax, clueing in, chuckles and chubby chicken.

...or perhaps chubby vegetarian-chicken...lol...

Oh, JH, how you affect me.